Nothing could possibly prepare us for the full spectacle that is the first official trailer for Cats. Not the long-running Broadway musical on which it is based. Not the behind-the-scenes teaser trailer that dropped yesterday. Not those weird dreams you still have about the cat you had in elementary school that your parents told you went to live on a farm upstate. Literally nothing in this world could gear you up for the two minutes and twenty-two seconds that is the trailer for this film.
After intense speculation of what the titular cats would actually look like and what, exactly, "digital fur technology is," we finally got it all dumped on us in their full CGI glory without so much as a sneak peak or strategically leaked picture to ease us into it. You see, quite unfortunately, while the cats' bodies look pretty convincingly cat-like all things considered, the actors, Taylor Swift, Judi Dench, and Idris Elba included, retain their very, very human noses and lips. It is particularly creepy.
Now, some might be quick to point out that the cats in the stage musical version also retained the humanoid mouths and noses of their human actors. Which, sure, but let's point out the following:
Those human noses were contoured to at least kind of look like they had cute little cat noses.
There are no close ups in live theater, meaning it was very, very easy to buy cheap tickets and not worry too much about what the details of the cats' faces actually looked like.
The play was not working with a multi-million dollar CGI budget.
Yet, apparently there was no CGI budget left to at least digitally paint little black button noses on the tips of the actors very, very human noses? Even young sorority girls on Halloween know that if you're going to be a human portraying a cat, you have to at least paint a feline nose, and perhaps some whiskers on your face.
A shocked internet is recuperating from the visual nightmare the best way it knows how: with Twitter memes.
Considering this stars multiple Oscars winners and is from the same director that brought us The King's Speech, it's truly astounding that someone involved didn't say, "You know, what if the cats actually had cat faces?"
We're sure the folks over at Disney are pleased. The Lion King comes out into cinemas tomorrow, and the fact that knowing a movie with CGI felines singing beloved songs could be a whole lot worse probably only works in that film's favor.